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1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to pee
pearl l away in the heat. 4. The ZookeeperA man walked into a therapist\'s office looking very depressed. "Doc, you\'ve got to help me. I can\'t go on like this." "What\'s the problem?" the docotor inquired. "Well, I\'m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try,I can\'t come to the phone now, so... Hey -- that\'s a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bother
pearl ing you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don\'t you give me a call sometime and we can listIt is not illegal to speed. (Repealed) Buckner In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday. Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com! Excelsior Springs Worrying squirrels is not tolerated. Hard objects
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Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms IBM I Blame Microsoft Idiots Buy Me Idiots Building Machines I\'ll Buy Macintoshes It Bit Me It Built Microsoft It\'s Better Manually I\'ve Been Mislead I\'ve Been Mugged WINDOWS Well, It Never Does Operate WithI hit level 70
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This is Anthony. Leave me a message at the beep. (beep) Whoops, I bet you couldn\'t hear that. Lemme try again. (Beep) Nuts, once more with feeling...this woman goes to a pet store to purchase some d
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Pearl jewelry and whispers to the man behind the counter... "i\'ll take one." he packages up a frog. the woman grabs her dog food and is on her way home. she gets home, takes out the instructions and reads them carefully, doing exactly what it says to do. 1. take a shower. put on some nice smelling perfume. 2. put on a very sexy teddy. 3. crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "there." to her surprise, nothing happens. so, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog. so, she showers again and tries another perfume. she gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and...nothing. she\'s totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. she reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. at the bottom of the paper is says, "if you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." so, she does. the man from behind the counter says, "i\'ve had a few complaints earlier today, i\'ll be right over." after the man got to her house the woman says, "see, i\'ve done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." the man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says, "i\'m only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
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Hitchhikers Guide theme: The Cerius Cybernetic Corporation was happy to correct the problem of all that icky person-to-person conversation that happens when peo
wedding pearl necklaces ple actually pick up the phone and talk to each other. So they added the "answering machine,"Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I\'m not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.a seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. the seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch. the seaman asks "so, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" the pirate replies "we were in a storm at sea, and i w
wedding pearl necklaces as swept overboard into a school of sharks. just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off." "wow!" said the seaman. "what about your hook"? "well...", replied the pirate, "while my men and i were plundering in the middle east, i was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals" "incredible!" remarked the seaman. "how did you get the eyepatch?" "a sea gull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate. "you lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."