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My karma ran over your dogma. I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!! A fool and his money are a girl\'s best friend. I\'m not driving fast-just flying low. Help starve a feeding bureaucrat. My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird! Energizer Bunny arresSarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whisper my favorite words: "I\'ll buy it for you." Suburbia: where they tear Pearl jewelry out the trees & then name streets after them. Stress is when you wake up Pearl jewelry screaming & you realize you haven\'t fallen asleep yet. AduAt the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my famsymptom - feet cold and wet. solution - glass being held at incorrect angle. rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. symptom - beer unusually pale and tasteless. solution - glass empty. get someone to buy you another beer. symptom - opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. solution - you have fallen over backward. have yourself lashed to bar. symptom - mouth contains cigarette butts. solution - you have fallen forward. see above. symptom - beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. solution - mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. retire to restroom, practice in mirror. symptom - floor blurred. solution - you are looking through bottom of empty glass. get someone to buy you another beer. symptom - floor moving. solution - you are being carried out. find out if you are being taken to another bar. symptom - room seems unusually dark. solution - bar has closed. confirm home address with bartender. symptom - everyone looks up to you and smiles. solution - you are dancing on the table. fall on somebody cushy-looking. symptom - beer is crystal-clear solution - it\'s water. somebody is trying to sober you up. punch him. symptom - hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. solution - you have been in a fight. apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them symptom - don\'t recognize anyone, don\'t recognize the room you\'re in. solution - you\'ve wandered into the wrong party. see if they have free beer. symptom - your singing sounds distorted. solution - the beer is too weak. have more beer until your voice improves. symptom - don\'t remember the words to the song. solution - beer is just right. play air guitar.

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